we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
