There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
