Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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