think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
