Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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