Four minutes until I can fart!
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
