Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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