I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
