I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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