I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
