tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
