my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
