That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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