Rock
Scissors
Fuck
there was a trapeze. enough said
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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