Cold hands, warm shart.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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