My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she pinky promised me she was 18
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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