Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
