My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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