we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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