He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
