I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
