I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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