College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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