The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
