Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
