apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
