She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
