nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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