Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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