At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I touched a dick in church today
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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