Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think your dad took our porno
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
