Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
