My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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