I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
