Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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