first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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