I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
