so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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