I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
