I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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