OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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