his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
