Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You have to summon your inner elephant
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
