Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
