I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Pants are for mortals
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
