U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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