I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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