NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
