Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
