Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
