Can Purell be used as lube?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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