So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
